“The shape of your relationship shapes your world”
Tom and Bobbie Merrill
Tom and Bobbie Merrill
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"This book is a must-read for everyone who is married, divorced, or contemplating marriage, as well as for professional marriage counselors who want to greatly improve their skills."
?Nicholas A. Cummings, Ph.D., Sc.D., Distinguished Professor, University of Nevada, Reno; President Cummings Foundation for Behavioral Health; & former President, American Psychological Association
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Selected Excerpts from "Settle For More: You Can Have the Relationship You Always Wanted...Guaranteed!"
“Leaving a relationship in which we have a significant investment, emotional or otherwise, is painful; and our reasoning says, “If it hurts it must not be the right thing to do.” And so we get confused. Many people yo-yo back and forth in this confusion for five years, then ten, fifteen, twenty, or more years, often hurting themselves, their partners and the children in ways they had not understood while in the middle of their ambiguity. This is in part because staying in a relationship that does not match our dreams damages our spirits and the spirits of those sharing our living space with us.” “It is at this juncture that it begins to dawn on couples that they are in a relationship that is “barely good-enough-to-stay” yet not “bad-enough-to-leave.” They may even realize they are settling for less and notice a cloud of depression descending over their spirits. They are the couples we often see in our therapy room with one or both partners saying, “We have just grown apart” and then asking what to do to repair the damage. More often than not both want to regain the feelings that originally drew them together and to get back on the dance floor with steps able to return them to the excitement they felt when they first promised ‘until death do we part’.” “Although it seems that men are the ones who most often initiate the distancing, prompting their wives to respond with unhappy and protective reactions, the reverse is also surprisingly common. Whoever starts it, the question remains, why would a couple move into their new home and decorate it as artistically as they can and then move their worst personalities into the living room to relate to each other with a shocking lack of honoring and kindness?”
“It’s clear that we have no cultural precedence for expanding love or keeping it alive. In fact we measure partnership success by duration of time together, rather than the degree of fulfillment or happiness experienced. We have no happiness meter or guidelines for establishing or reaching a standard of excellence in our primary partnerships, even though having a good one is our most valued human endeavor. Because there is no standard of excellence or design for getting there, most people fail to work actively on creating truly outrageous relationships. Instead they surrender to lumping along in the limbo of alliances that are barely good-enough-to-stay in but are not yet bad-enough-to-leave. Sadly, couples who stay in these struggling relationships have lowered the bar on their dreams for a happy alliance and are simply trying to feel better in the context of a limiting partnership.”
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The Urge to Fight | What Can One Person Do? | Life Changing | Getting Unstuck | I'm Only As Good As You Are 
The Urge to Fight | What Can One Person Do? | Life Changing | Getting Unstuck | I'm Only As Good As You Are
Bobbie & Tom Audio:
Settling for More in Your Business
Settling for More in Your Business